WHY DO WE NEED COUPLES COUNSELING? ISN'T our love ENOUGH?
This is the question a bride-to-be and a groom were asking themselves while getting ready for their wedding. The suggestion to attend premarital counseling is one of the best wedding tips anyone can give.Having been married (happily) for 24 years now, 25 years in November, I highly recommend that brides-to-be and grooms attend premarital counseling facilitated by either your pastor, marriage counselor, family therapist or another trained professional as part of the wedding planning process.
Related: See if you are ready to get engaged
Why do we need couples counseling?
Why counseling is a good idea?
It can save a lot of aggravation and heartache for both of you. Premarital counseling should occur after the engagement (the earlier the better) and a few months before your wedding.
Keep in mind, it must be mutually agreed upon by both of you. It cements or solidifies where exactly the husband and wife stand on issues as you proceed to your glorious future!
Why do we need couples counseling?
6 Things You Should discuss in Premarital Counseling
Issues that should be discussed include, but are not limited to:1. Do you both want children?
If you do want children, figure out how many and how many years apart you want them to be - 1, 2 or 3 years, etc. In addition, how will you raise them; religiously, spiritually, and morally?
2. Do you want to rent an apartment or buy a home?
2. Do you want to rent an apartment or buy a home?
Where will you live? In the city or in the suburbs? This decision will be based on whether you’re having children (considering school district, parks, yard, etc.). Also, commuting distance and convenience need to be considered.
3. Will both of you work?
This will be based on whether you both decided on having children. Whether one or both incomes are needed for your family or long-term goals?
4. Who will pay the bills?
3. Will both of you work?
This will be based on whether you both decided on having children. Whether one or both incomes are needed for your family or long-term goals?
4. Who will pay the bills?
Some couples let the wife do the bill paying. (I oversee that in our household, but my husband and I write down the bills that we owe, how much was paid and by what means). We usually pay online but write checks when necessary.
5. Will you take vacations?
How often will this be? Will this be with the family or just both of you? Where and when will you take vacations?
6. Holidays – Who will get what holidays?
Will you entertain your families (both of yours) at your house? My husband and I alternate. Last year, we spent Thanksgiving with his family, Christmas dinner (a week before Christmas) was spent with mine and on Christmas day, we had my mom and dad over our house. So, that must be discussed as well and is often a point of contention.
It may seem like it’s NOT a top priority to discuss, but trust me, this and any other issues, should be discussed BEFORE you say, “I do.”
It saves a lot of heartache in the future and ensures you guys are on the same page.
After premarital counseling, and with the knowledge that marriage is complicated, you might want to consider uncomplicating things and hire a wedding planner to help you out with either full planning (depending on your budget) or day of coordination (to oversee and help you tie up any loose end on your day). See what Weddings by K’Mich can do for you.
5. Will you take vacations?
How often will this be? Will this be with the family or just both of you? Where and when will you take vacations?
6. Holidays – Who will get what holidays?
Will you entertain your families (both of yours) at your house? My husband and I alternate. Last year, we spent Thanksgiving with his family, Christmas dinner (a week before Christmas) was spent with mine and on Christmas day, we had my mom and dad over our house. So, that must be discussed as well and is often a point of contention.
It may seem like it’s NOT a top priority to discuss, but trust me, this and any other issues, should be discussed BEFORE you say, “I do.”
It saves a lot of heartache in the future and ensures you guys are on the same page.
After premarital counseling, and with the knowledge that marriage is complicated, you might want to consider uncomplicating things and hire a wedding planner to help you out with either full planning (depending on your budget) or day of coordination (to oversee and help you tie up any loose end on your day). See what Weddings by K’Mich can do for you.
It's funny my link landed next to yours in one of the linkups because I am a huge fan of premarital counseling. I don't think any couple should get married without it. I've done it twice. Both times I walked away from the relationship. Better to end it now than later in divorce. Premarital counseling can give you the confidence for the road ahead in marriage or it can open your eyes to the reason/s you ought to delay it or not do it at all. Either way it's a win-win.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely. We do think that counseling should be approached with an open mind in order for it to be successful for both parties involved. Thanks for sharing and stopping by. All the best in your next relationship.
DeleteThese things and lots of others do need to be discussed. I pinned this! Thanks so much for linking up with me at my #UnlimitedMonthlyLinkParty 8, open until January 26.
ReplyDeleteWe concur. We think it's wise to have counselling to make sure both parties are on the same page and not find these things out after... Thanks for sharing and stopping by, Dee #UnlimitedMonthlyLinkParty 8
DeleteSo glad you are advising couples to invest in their marriage from the outset!
ReplyDeleteThank you. Thanks for sharing.
DeleteI welcome having premaital counselling. I would not do without it. And even though my marriage didn't end the way I wanted, having the talk over months definitely helped me to see what I was getting into.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry to hear that. Hope you are in a good place now. Thanks for visiting and sharing.
DeleteGreat advice. I have to admit I didn't think about any of those things before I got married. 45 years later, we are still married, but it might have been easier to navigate!
ReplyDeleteThank you. Congrats on your marriage! Thanks for sharing and visiting.
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