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What Has 25 Years of Marriage Taught ME?

7 Steps to Happily Ever After 

Guest Blogger, Donna Haymes
Posted: 3/29/18
Updated: 1/4/19

When you say “I do” to that special someone in your life and after the wedding ceremony, as well as your fabulous honeymoon, with the family and friends, are gone you will realize it’s just the two of you – then what?

Having just celebrated 25 happy years of marriage to my nice hubby, Dwight, in November 2018, I realized that marriage is NOT easy if the two of you are going to make it work and be happily ever after!

Marriage is like baking a cake if you will. You, as the wife, are the sugar while your husband is the flour and your lives together are the other ingredients, such as the butter, eggs, etc. When you add all the ingredients, you have a delicious Cake! YUMMY!

I’ve heard it said by many marriage experts, such as John Gray that men are from Mars and women are from Venus! I say, “spot on!” We are all human beings but women and men don’t speak the same language a lot of times! There was a song a while ago with lyrics that said – “You say potato and I say 'patato', I say ‘tomato’ and you say ‘tamato, potato, tamato, potato, patato – let’s call the whole thing off!” Let’s Not let that happen, please! You get my point!

What has 25 years of Marriage taught Me?

My 7 Tips To a Happy Marriage:

1. Love
Dionne Warwick sang it best – “What the world needs now is love sweet love.” She was right, too! If a woman feels loved and appreciated by her husband, then she will be happy! Trust me, I do!
2. Respect
Men need respect as much as women need love. A man in his home, if he doesn’t feel respected by his wife or children, will Not be happy. (Remember Venus and Mars?)

3. Communication 
Two of you MUST communicate about things the two of you mutually share and things, events, etc. that you’re experiencing as individuals. Start with “how was your day” and end with “what are you feeling?” Let them tell you without interrupting as we all want to be heard and listened to.

We, on the other hand, as women must ‘vent’ sometimes as to what we’re going through and how we’re feeling. We’re more emotional than the guys! I highly recommend “His Needs, Her Needs” by Willard F. Hartley, Jr. The author states that during courtship the guy will talk to his girlfriend for hours on end about his life and experiences to “win her.” Once he has “won her” and she is his wife, the guys shut down and think they don’t have to “share anymore,” to his wife’s horror! We need them to continue to talk to us!

Also, we are learning about the 5 Love Languages from our couples' classes that we attend diligently.  Basically, it teaches that there are 5 Love Languages that Men and Women are designed by (our personalities, so to speak) - 1. Words of Affirmation 2. Quality Time 3. Receiving Gifts 4. Acts of Service 5. Physical Touch.
Through the book, we have learned our own "Love Languages". Hubby's Love Languages are - 1. Acts of Service 2. Words of Affirmation.

My Love Languages are -  1. Acts of Service 2. Physical Touch 3. Quality Time.
I recommend every couple to read this book. It has done "Wonders" for our marriage as I write him little notes on a 3x5 card every day now to "Affirm", which is "Words of Affirmation"  and he loves. For me, it's "Acts of Service" which is doing a few household chores that I appreciate. Trust me, Ladies, the "5 Love Languages" book works! The author is Dr. Gary Chapman.
4. Listening
We as wives need our husbands to actively “listen” to us while we’re sharing. We don’t necessarily need them to “fix it” for us but just to show some concern and empathy, to care about what’s going on in our lives.
5. Good sex  
Yes, I did say it and it’s true. When you and your husband are both satisfied with your sex life, you’re happy!
Related: (Brides. com) The Ultimate Sex Guide

6. Affection
Not to be confused with sex, affection is non-sexual touching and kissing goes hand in hand with sex for us as women. We need hugs and kisses and told we’re beautiful and sexy by our husbands. Trust me, it works!

7. Recreational activity  
A couple needs to do things together outside of the home. My husband and I love to go grocery shopping together and walking in the park, holding hands. Taking a must needed vacation together can really energize your marriage.
Remember when you too were courting and he would take you to a nice restaurant or to a movie or the museum, etc?
Well, after you get married and "settled in" to your new lives together, you must still have your "date night" or quality time together! Get a babysitter if you have kids and go out and paint the town! Just the two of you or maybe with another couple!

Recommended books to read on marriage: “His Needs, Her Needs” – Willard F. Hartley, Jr. | “How We Love” – Milan & Kay Yerkovich

Related: (previous post)  Is Premarital Counseling Right for Us!

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