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2 Major Things to Consider Before You Get Engaged

A recent bride-to-be asked this question and we had our guest blogger Donna Haymes, with a recent divorcee gave us their feedback on the question:

"Would you hold off your wedding if you found out days before the wedding your fiancé had a bad credit?"

How well do you really know the person you are about to spend the rest of your life with?

Donna Haymes: When I got engaged in 1991 to my husband Dwight, life was quite different and a lot more innocent. Us girls did not have to worry about looking into the person we are in love with; we took their words as truths. My husband then literally swept me off my feet.

We did everything together and still do after 25 years of wedded bliss! I never stop to think about checking anything out about him. He was and still is a gentleman and kind to me and everyone around him. 

But, as I mentioned, times have changed and so have people. So, you should get to know the person before you move to the next step in a relationship. 
Make sure you do your research to make sure the person is who they say they are. So, here are the two things for you to keep in mind.

Top 2 Things to Do
1. Background Check
Sometimes, as humans, we tend to hold off on sharing very important information with your significant other because of fear of rejection or ridicule. We tell ourselves that the timing isn’t right so we put it off “for the perfect time”, which never happens. 
So, do a background check on him/her; see if he/she has anything that may warrant your attention. This will help you to see the type of person you plan on spending the rest of your life with.

2.  Credit Check
Divorcee: "I don’t know if I would have held off on the wedding or not. But looking back, I should have. His credit was bad, he owed tens of thousands of dollars on credit cards and he didn’t own anything except a used car. But he had a plan to pay off all of the debt, and I was in love. We got married...Of course, I didn’t know how many credit cards he had, and he didn’t tell me about all the cards that still had balances. So he dipped into his 401k but didn’t tell me. I found out about it when the IRS wanted their share — about three years later..."

Advice: Always have the “money talk” with each other before deciding on getting engaged. By doing this, you both will be able to see exactly where each of you stands. You don’t want to wait until a month before to call off the wedding because of bad credit. So, do a credit check on him/her. This is a Big one as one doesn't want to inherit the husband's massive debt, especially if you decide to take his last name. The debtors will also be calling you now.

"Someone who would be less than honest with you about financial matters isn’t someone you want to enter into a contract with, and marriage is a contract."
                                            

Related: (previous post) How to Know Whether or Not You Are Ready To Get Engaged

 Share your comments below.

22 comments:

  1. Oh, wow, I would never have thought of that. Marriage needs to have trust, so it's pretty sad if people don't talk about things like that.

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    1. I agree. If you start your realtionship on a lie...it continues on that same footing. Thanks for visiting and for sharing your thoughts. Please share.

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  2. Definitely have the money talk! My husband and I lived together for 4 years before we got married. I got to know his spending habits and figure out if that could be changed. Then when we decided to get married, we discussed how we would split or share our money. Now I am a stay at home mom, so he makes the bulk of the money and I manage it.

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    1. So true. It's always best to have the money talk before thinking about engagement/marriage. Thanks for visiting and for sharing your thoughts. Please share.

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  3. Great suggestions! It’s better to find out these things before you get married!

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    1. This so true. Waitng for the minute usually is when it's kind of late. Thanks for visiting and for sharing your feedback. Please share.

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  4. TRUE you should get to know the person background and credibility before you move to the engagement !!! If the person tells about it , even if its bad, you might accpet, but if its been hidden , and you find out later...thats something to think about !

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    1. Exactly. It's always good to be honest and upfront with each other. Thanks for visiting and for sharing your thoughts. Please share.

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  5. I agree with the background check... might have saved me a couple of breakups 😂

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    1. 😊 Thanks for visiting and for sharing your thoughts. Please share.

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  6. These are interesting things to consider. I never considered a background check or a credit check before marrying but I can see why it may be necessary today.

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    1. With so much going on today, it's always best to be on the safe side. Thanks for visiting and for sharing your thoughts. Please share.

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  7. I have never once thought to consider doing a background check on someone I’m about to get married to lol. Credit check on the other hand makes a lot of sense. Especially if you’re planning to buying a house together.

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    1. I know. It's a shame that we have to go that route. Thanks for visiting and for sharing your thoughts. Please share.

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  8. This is very insightful. But I don't know how it may turn out if the other person finds out that a background check is being done on him/her. The best thing is to take time to know who you are dating and if you don't feel comfortable enough to be locked into a lifetime contract with that person, then NO should be an attractive option.

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    1. I do agree it would be uncomfortable, but this should be done with the person's knowledge and permission. If they are not onboard, then they may have something to hide. This will be your que to run. Thanks for visiting and for sharing your thoughts. Please share.

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  9. These are good to consider. However, there can be extenuating circumstances. Don't count someone out because of one thing, but be careful about who you chose to share your life with.

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    1. Absolutely. It's best to get to know the person really good before deciding on getting married. Thanks for visiting and for sharing your thoughts. Please share.

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  10. I would have never thought we could have gotten to a time when a background check and credit check were part of the engagement process. Though these days I can agree with a background check.

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    1. This process is not actually part of the engagement process, this should be done way before either party decides to pursue a relationship further than dating; it saves heartache in the long run. Thanks for visiting and sharing your feedback.

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  11. This breaks my heart. Hate to sound generic been there done that. Still dealing with it all right now 12 years later. I think twice no three times before marrying ever again.

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    1. Sorry to hear that. I hope your are healing from that experience and doing much better. Don't let it have power over you. Learn from it and make sure you do your due diligence the next time... Thanks for visiting and sharing your feedback.

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